Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Beginning

July 25th: I have decided to start blogging about my retirement. I want to remember my thoughts, ideas and plans. Then I can see as time goes by if I kept the thoughts, ideas and plans. I want to help me, or journal, my path to retirement and my life after retirement.

     I can't believe that I am seriously contemplating retiring. When I was a freshman in college, 1980, I wrote a paper in an Freshman English class where I said I would probably have to work until I dropped dead on the job. I was single then and thought I would spend the rest of my mortal time here on earth as a single woman. Working until I dropped dead seemed my only option.
     In 2002, I as lucky enough to find a wonderful thatI wanted to share my life with. I thought I would be able to scale back my working hour. I did to a point. I was working a full-time and part-time job and Eldon, my soon to be husband, wanted me to stop working part-time. Not only was I doing that but I was volunteering at our local LDS Temple. Sooo, I stopped the part time job about a month before we got married and I stopped the temple work about six monts after we got married.
     I can't believe how incredibly difficult it was being married. I know I had this fairy-tale story in my head but I didn't think it would be so polar opposite. There were problems with my husband's four children and his second wife's children were making it difficult to be happy. Unfortunately for me, I have a poor coping skill, it's called "over eating". I learnt that from years of having an alcoholic father and an emotionlly withdrawn mother. Still not a valid excuse, I am responsible for my choices.
     Two years into my marriage I was ready for a divorce.I felt I didn't deserve to have to live this way. I was now 52 years old and I planned on being a mother and grandmother, not a step-mother or stepgrandmother. It was a huge adjustment for me. Life certainly wasn't going the way I had planned.
    Along about that time came menopause. I am sure if God had told us about menopause not one woman would have vounteered to come to this earth and endure this human experience. Between that, my marriag and the stress of my job. I wasn't sure how much longer I could all of this or even manage one of these stressors.  We had a new bureau director come in and she turned everything upside-down, backwards and inside-out.
     Well, I endured the menopause. What other option was there? It's a fact of life for wome into the 50's. My marriage endured the children, the menopaus and my weight gain. We will be married 11 years in November. The job, however, continued to go downhill. It became more than I could or wanted to deal with.
     My first plan was to retire the end of 2012. My husband and I both would turn 60 the end of that year. We would be married for 10 years and I would have 22 years in with the State of Utah employment. It was January 25th of 2012 that my sweet husband was diagnosed with End-Stage Liver Disease and he had a Hepatcellular Carcinoma in the left lobe of his liver. My world was turned upside down.  He had endured all kinds of testing and procedures. As of today we are waiting for a new liver. To see that adventure you can go to EldonAuger.blogspot.com it certainly hasn't been anything either of us ever expected.
     December 2012 came and there was no celebration of our anniversary, our birthdays or my retirement. Just a bunch of worries and concerns.
     On December 12th, 2012, at the clinic visit the transplant team was certain that Eldon would have his transplant before the next clinic visit, June 11th, 2013. Well, here we are still waiting. I talked with Eldon about retiring after his transplant. When we thought it might happen in May, I started to plan for a July retirement. May, of course, has come and gone without the new liver and I, well, I am still working full time at a job that is sucking the life right out of me, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. To write all that has happened with this job would take another blog. For this job, I am required to work through people's homes and with my arthritis it takes alot of me. The brow-beating that goes on here at work is awful, the atmosphere here in the office is worse than being at a funeral. People don't interact with each other very much and it's just the opposite of what it was before the current supervisor came in and changed the office culture.
     Now, my plan is to retire no later than the end of this year with or without the liver transplant. I know I will need to work somewhere else, however, with careful planning I just may be able to work less hours, less stressful environment and still come out ahead. How do I plan to do that? You will have to read my next post. When will that be? Within the next week.

Have a great one. I will be back before the week is out with more blogging, or complaining or planning. Whatever!

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